Monday, January 26, 2009

Well, I am going to go ahead and say I am officially out. I started spotting this morning. Typical of my body without Clomid. I knew it wasn't going to happen this month, although I guess we always have some glimmer of hope. Girls, I really don't know what to feel about this. I am reallys starting to think it's never going to happen. I mean, DH's SA is awesome, on Clomid 100mg I am producing at least two beautiful follies, and my lining is always "perfect" according to my OB, what's the problem?

Part of me just wants to stop this torture and accept that we may never have kids. I know that may be a little premature, but let's face it, I am not getting any younger. If I had only known that I would have this much trouble getting pregnant, we would have started trying way earlier. Now, here I am, 31 and DH is soon to be 32 and we have no babies. Not even a shadow of a BFP. I don't want to be in my 60s by the time my kids graduate from college.

Nate's Mom had been dropping a lot of adoption hints lately, but I don't think I am ready to accept that. I want MY BODY to nurture and grow our baby. I want to feel my LO move and kick. I want every ounce of morning sickness, back aches, 900 trips to the bathroom in a day, I want to experience it all. It's just not fair. I am so sad...

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