Well, I ovulated!

Still not feeling totally hopeful for this cycle, but only time will tell that story. I am planning to test on Sunday if I don't have any spotting or AF doesn't visit. I stopped temping yesterday, so that had really taken the pressure off of the two week wait. Other than that, nothing really new going on.

I am working with my trainer to tweak my diet so that I can finally get rid of this 15 lbs that WILL NOT go away no matter how hard I work out. I have been running and etc. really consistently since August, and I just can't seem to lose that little bit. I am hoping with increasing my running miles per week along with tweaking my diet that I will lose all of the 15 lbs. before my vacation in May. That is about 8 weeks, so I should be well on my way.

Anyway, that's enough jabbering for now.

Confused...

So I really don't know what is going on in my body, but I totally would have thought that I would ovulate sometime this weekend. Well, I was wrong. I still don't think I have. I am wondering if all of the stress about my Grandfather is delaying things a little. I still haven't had a peak on my fertility monitor, but I have been getting +OPKs. We are just going to have some fun for a few days to thoroughly cover our bases. I am starting to get really strong ovulation pain today, so I am hoping that I will ovulate tomorrow. If in fact I haven't ovulated yet, I am almost positive that all three of my follicules have had enough time to get nice and plump so that they can release! YAY! I will keep ou posted!

How do you feel about triplets?

Is the question I asked Nathan yesterday! LOL! That question kind of stressed him out. I have THREE mature follicules, so I will be releasing 3 eggs this month! WOW! That is my best response on Clomid so far. My doctor said that was the maximum amount she would want to see released at one time. I am so excited! Realistically, the chance of triplets is only like 1%, so having the three eggs just gives me a better chance of getting pregnant with one baby. Of course, I would totally take twins!

I have to say, this one is going to hurt! The last couple of times that I have had 2 mature follies, ovulation was kind of painful. It's kind of crazy because I don't feel anything when I only release one. BRING ON the pain! If I get pregnant this cycle, I would be due in early December. This is my last chance to have a baby before I turn 32! Yikes!

My doctor did start talking about next steps yesterday. First and foremost, she is making me take a medical assistance break next cycle if I don't get pregnant this cycle. I am OK with that because I am sure my ovaries will need a break. The other thing is that she started dropping talk about IUI (intrauterine insemination). WOWSER, I am not sure I am ready to make that leap. I am not going to worry about that right now because I am GOING to get pregnant this cycle!

What a rollercoaster!

Well, I have to admit, I haven't done much thinking about TTC lately. My Grandfather has been in the hospital (the one where I work) for the last 3 weeks. I have seen him go from walking into the ER to not even being able to feed himself. It has definitely been hard, and more emotional than I ever thought possible. Earlier this week, we thought the battle was over, but Grandaddy had different ideas about that. He's been fighting since then, but needs to make GREAT strides over the next few days. I am truly praying for a miracle because that is what it is going to take.

On the TTC front, I am on CD 12. I should ovulate in 3 or so days. I am going tomorrow for my follicule scan to see how many have matured in there. I have to wonder if all of this stress could affect that process. Honestly, this month I have to say that I don't care what happens. I do hate to feel that way because this is month 4 out of 6 that we are able to use Clomid.

Oh, another bit of fantastic news (very sarcastically saying that), I discovered that my insurance company doesn't cover infertility medications. Nothing! I hadn't noticed because Clomid is so cheap, but none of the rest of the meds are. I really find it hard to believe that they will cover all diagnostics and monitoring for infertility issues, but won't cover anything to treat it. That is like telling a cancer patient that they have cancer, but sorry...we don't cover chemotherapy or radiation. Totally ridiculous. I can't wait for the day that it is a law that infertility treatments, testing, and monitoring HAVE to be covered. Unfortunately, I am sure we will be well past child bearing age when that occurs.

I do realize that infertility isn't nearly as serious as cancer, and I know that most people look at having children as a choice. I just have a really hard time with that. I mean, I don't consider it a choice! I want a little one and for some reason or another the choice has been made for me. Because we haven't been able naturally conceive, I guess we aren't worthy of having help to do that. It totally disgusts me. I read recently that emotionally, the inability to conceive can be compared to receiving the diagnosis of cancer. When I read that, I didn't know what to think about it. After about two weeks to ponder that thought, I think I agree with it. The thing is, you have no control over what will happen, just like when you have cancer. You never know how the story will end, and even if you do everything in your power to get pregnant, it still may never happen. Right now, I wonder if the fight is even worth it...