Well, I have to admit, I haven't done much thinking about TTC lately. My Grandfather has been in the hospital (the one where I work) for the last 3 weeks. I have seen him go from walking into the ER to not even being able to feed himself. It has definitely been hard, and more emotional than I ever thought possible. Earlier this week, we thought the battle was over, but Grandaddy had different ideas about that. He's been fighting since then, but needs to make GREAT strides over the next few days. I am truly praying for a miracle because that is what it is going to take.
On the TTC front, I am on CD 12. I should ovulate in 3 or so days. I am going tomorrow for my follicule scan to see how many have matured in there. I have to wonder if all of this stress could affect that process. Honestly, this month I have to say that I don't care what happens. I do hate to feel that way because this is month 4 out of 6 that we are able to use Clomid.
Oh, another bit of fantastic news (very sarcastically saying that), I discovered that my insurance company doesn't cover infertility medications. Nothing! I hadn't noticed because Clomid is so cheap, but none of the rest of the meds are. I really find it hard to believe that they will cover all diagnostics and monitoring for infertility issues, but won't cover anything to treat it. That is like telling a cancer patient that they have cancer, but sorry...we don't cover chemotherapy or radiation. Totally ridiculous. I can't wait for the day that it is a law that infertility treatments, testing, and monitoring HAVE to be covered. Unfortunately, I am sure we will be well past child bearing age when that occurs.
I do realize that infertility isn't nearly as serious as cancer, and I know that most people look at having children as a choice. I just have a really hard time with that. I mean, I don't consider it a choice! I want a little one and for some reason or another the choice has been made for me. Because we haven't been able naturally conceive, I guess we aren't worthy of having help to do that. It totally disgusts me. I read recently that emotionally, the inability to conceive can be compared to receiving the diagnosis of cancer. When I read that, I didn't know what to think about it. After about two weeks to ponder that thought, I think I agree with it. The thing is, you have no control over what will happen, just like when you have cancer. You never know how the story will end, and even if you do everything in your power to get pregnant, it still may never happen. Right now, I wonder if the fight is even worth it...