Saturday, November 8, 2008

It all started with a tradegy...

Just to go back quite a few years and give you some history, Nathan and I discovered that we had fallen in love about a year after the guy I was dating at the time, Jason was tragically killed in a car accident. That was in October of 1998. Nathan and I had actually met and become good friends in May of 1996, but were always dating other people. After Jason died, I was a mess. I couldn't function, I was drinking too much, not eating, and overall taking terrible care of myself. Nathan was my rock! He reminded me to live life. He took me out, made me laugh, and simply reminded me how to live life again. We officially started dating in late 1999.

That first year was rocky! I had so many insecurities related to Jason's death. At one point, I remember Nathan asking me if I would even be with him if Jason was not dead. OUCH! I honestly could not answer him at that time in my life. Every time Nathan walked out of my door, I feared the worst. I was gripped by my fears of losing someone a second time that I loved so much. We broke up in December of 2000.

I was devastated. I remember sitting at work talking to a friend saying, "This is not right, I know this is not the way it is supposed to end up!" Sure enough I was right, we reconciled on my birthday in January of 2001. Our relationship began to grow stronger each year that went by. I finally was able to put some of the heart break of losing Jason to rest. We had a great relationship, we loved each other.

We never talked about the "M" word at all throughout our relationship. Finally, in 2004, shortly before I graduated from nursing school the subject came up. We stayed up all night talking about what it would be like, where we would get married, where we would have our honeymoon, everything. I still had no idea when it would actually happen.

I graduated in May of 2004, and a couple of days later we left to go with his family on a trip to Angel Fire, NM. Nathan had already prepared me that we would not be getting engaged while on vacation because it was too far from my family and not fair for them to not be around to share such a special moment. Little did I know, he already had the ring and had already asked my father's permission to marry me. WOW!!

We got engaged on a Wednesday at the most lovely little winery there in the valley of the Sangre de Cristo Mountain Ranges. The winery was not even supposed to be open, but Nathan had arranged everything with the owners. We went out on the patio and were relaxing and drinking wine, when I noticed Nathan getting fidgety. I asked him what was wrong, and what he was doing. He said (down on one knee), "I am trying to ask you to marry me, will you marry me?" I was over whelmed with emotions, and of course I said, "YES, of course I will marry you!"

We got married in July of the following year (2005). It was the picture perfect wedding, just as I had always wanted it to be. We were married in the Rose Gardens of our home town. I knew from a teenager that I would get married there. What a magical evening, truly, I could not have asked for anything better.

Fast forward to January of 2007. Nathan and I had planned a vacation to Hawaii. We decided that in early January, we would toss the birth control and start trying for our first little miracle. That is where we are today, trying for our little one.

Today is November 8th, 2007. We officially stopped birth control 11 months ago. I have learned way more than I ever wanted to know about a woman's cycle and conception. Yes, I am a nurse, but this really isn't my medical specialty. I am starting to think differently about that. So, what are we doing:

OPKs (ovulation predictor kits)
BBT monitoring (basal body temperature monitoring)
CF monitoring (cervical fluid monitoring)
CP monitoring (cervical position monitoring)
and of course, obsessing over every ache, pain, weird feeling, everything.

I learned most of everything I know thanks to a fantastic book called, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. For anyone who is struggling to conceive, I highly recommend it. Because of all that I have learned, I determined that I might have Luteal Phase Defect. I have a really short Luteal Phase (the time between ovulation and the beginning of your next cycle), and that my Luteal Phase (LP) is more variable in length than it is really supposed to be. A normal LP should be at least 10 days (but less than 12 is concerning if you are trying to conceive (TTC)), and should only vary by one to two days from cycle to cycle. Mine has been as short as 7 days and as long as 13. I have had 5 cycles where my LP was 11 or less. So all of this lead me to make an appointment with my doctor to get some answers.

I went in not really expecting too much, because the nurse made it clear to me that the doctor would not treat my for fertility issues until we had been trying for a year. We were just before ovulation of our 9th cycle. After talking with her though, she felt that since I had been tracking things so well, it was definitely worth moving forward. That day she did a transvaginal ultrasound and we made an appointment for a post ovulation progesterone draw. The ultrasound showed a fantastic 19mm follicule (the egg bursts through the follicule and is released) and she said, "Now is the time!" So that was good, it confirmed that I do ovulate on my own, which I really already knew because of my BBT monitoring. I came back a week later for my progesterone draw. Two days later the results came back normal, but I had already started my period for that cycle. On to cycle 10.

Cycle 10 I decided to take Vitamin B6 because I had read that it can help to increase my LP. I didn't ovulate that cycle until cycle day 24 (wow, most people are finishing their cycle). We timed everything perfectly!! Yay, we have a chance. Well, the B6 seemed to work, I had a 13 day LP (although I started spotting at 8 days past ovulation). I went ahead and called my doctor, and she felt like it was time to start Clomid 50 mg.

So, that brings us to where we are today. I just finished my 5 day regimen of Clomid. I hope to ovulate in the next 10 days or so. I will go in next Friday for an ultrasound. As my doctor says, "To make sure you aren't producing a litter." I appreciate that more than she knows. I am feeling good. Not to much in the way of symptoms from the Clomid, except that I have been having hot flashes. That's about it though.

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