Journey to a dream

Well, I ovulated!

2009-03-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

Still not feeling totally hopeful for this cycle, but only time will tell that story. I am planning to test on Sunday if I don't have any spotting or AF doesn't visit. I stopped temping yesterday, so that had really taken the pressure off of the two week wait. Other than that, nothing really new going on.

I am working with my trainer to tweak my diet so that I can finally get rid of this 15 lbs that WILL NOT go away no matter how hard I work out. I have been running and etc. really consistently since August, and I just can't seem to lose that little bit. I am hoping with increasing my running miles per week along with tweaking my diet that I will lose all of the 15 lbs. before my vacation in May. That is about 8 weeks, so I should be well on my way.

Anyway, that's enough jabbering for now.

Confused...

2009-03-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

So I really don't know what is going on in my body, but I totally would have thought that I would ovulate sometime this weekend. Well, I was wrong. I still don't think I have. I am wondering if all of the stress about my Grandfather is delaying things a little. I still haven't had a peak on my fertility monitor, but I have been getting +OPKs. We are just going to have some fun for a few days to thoroughly cover our bases. I am starting to get really strong ovulation pain today, so I am hoping that I will ovulate tomorrow. If in fact I haven't ovulated yet, I am almost positive that all three of my follicules have had enough time to get nice and plump so that they can release! YAY! I will keep ou posted!

How do you feel about triplets?

2009-03-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

Is the question I asked Nathan yesterday! LOL! That question kind of stressed him out. I have THREE mature follicules, so I will be releasing 3 eggs this month! WOW! That is my best response on Clomid so far. My doctor said that was the maximum amount she would want to see released at one time. I am so excited! Realistically, the chance of triplets is only like 1%, so having the three eggs just gives me a better chance of getting pregnant with one baby. Of course, I would totally take twins!

I have to say, this one is going to hurt! The last couple of times that I have had 2 mature follies, ovulation was kind of painful. It's kind of crazy because I don't feel anything when I only release one. BRING ON the pain! If I get pregnant this cycle, I would be due in early December. This is my last chance to have a baby before I turn 32! Yikes!

My doctor did start talking about next steps yesterday. First and foremost, she is making me take a medical assistance break next cycle if I don't get pregnant this cycle. I am OK with that because I am sure my ovaries will need a break. The other thing is that she started dropping talk about IUI (intrauterine insemination). WOWSER, I am not sure I am ready to make that leap. I am not going to worry about that right now because I am GOING to get pregnant this cycle!

What a rollercoaster!

2009-03-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to admit, I haven't done much thinking about TTC lately. My Grandfather has been in the hospital (the one where I work) for the last 3 weeks. I have seen him go from walking into the ER to not even being able to feed himself. It has definitely been hard, and more emotional than I ever thought possible. Earlier this week, we thought the battle was over, but Grandaddy had different ideas about that. He's been fighting since then, but needs to make GREAT strides over the next few days. I am truly praying for a miracle because that is what it is going to take.

On the TTC front, I am on CD 12. I should ovulate in 3 or so days. I am going tomorrow for my follicule scan to see how many have matured in there. I have to wonder if all of this stress could affect that process. Honestly, this month I have to say that I don't care what happens. I do hate to feel that way because this is month 4 out of 6 that we are able to use Clomid.

Oh, another bit of fantastic news (very sarcastically saying that), I discovered that my insurance company doesn't cover infertility medications. Nothing! I hadn't noticed because Clomid is so cheap, but none of the rest of the meds are. I really find it hard to believe that they will cover all diagnostics and monitoring for infertility issues, but won't cover anything to treat it. That is like telling a cancer patient that they have cancer, but sorry...we don't cover chemotherapy or radiation. Totally ridiculous. I can't wait for the day that it is a law that infertility treatments, testing, and monitoring HAVE to be covered. Unfortunately, I am sure we will be well past child bearing age when that occurs.

I do realize that infertility isn't nearly as serious as cancer, and I know that most people look at having children as a choice. I just have a really hard time with that. I mean, I don't consider it a choice! I want a little one and for some reason or another the choice has been made for me. Because we haven't been able naturally conceive, I guess we aren't worthy of having help to do that. It totally disgusts me. I read recently that emotionally, the inability to conceive can be compared to receiving the diagnosis of cancer. When I read that, I didn't know what to think about it. After about two weeks to ponder that thought, I think I agree with it. The thing is, you have no control over what will happen, just like when you have cancer. You never know how the story will end, and even if you do everything in your power to get pregnant, it still may never happen. Right now, I wonder if the fight is even worth it...

The big O!

2009-02-16T18:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I went for my follicule scan on Friday. Great news, I had two 23mm follicules. Those are the plumpest follies that I have ever had! I am so super excited. I didn't think I would ovulate until at least the 16th or 17th, but I actually ovulated on the 15th! WOO-HOO!!

So now starts the two week wait until testing. I am going to try not to go crazy. Good thing, I have a busy couple of weeks, so I am hoping that will keep my mind off of things. I am planning to test on Friday, February 27th.

I am so very hopeful this cycle. Everything has been perfect so far. Follies looked great, sex timing was perfect, everything is pointing to yes! I really hope this is it for us. If it is, baby(ies) will be due November 8th, 2009. I say babies because I do have two follicules, so there is always a chance. By the way, I would LOVE twins! I think Nathan would probably pass out completely!!

I am so sad!!

2009-02-06T18:23:00.001-08:00

Since most of you are my TTC friends, you all probably know that my friend Amanda lost her baby today. She is my only TTC friend in real life (not on the web). It has me terribly sad. I guess it's affecting me so much because we have been trying for the exact same length of time, have been through the same treatments, everything. I know that how I am feeling is nothing compared to the pain she is enduring right now. I pray that God give her peace in this situation and that some day she can know why she had to go through this.

Other than that, nothing really new with me. I am on day 4 out of 5 of my Clomid. The hot flashes are really amping up right now. I will go next Friday for my ultrasound to see how many follicules I have. Keep your fingers crossed for two (although, I am secretly hoping for three). I guess I should start temping soon. I never temp while AF is here, but now that she's gone I guess I need to get back on the ball.

Can someone out me out of my misery?

2009-01-27T04:44:00.000-08:00

I think I mentioned before that we didn't get to do fertility treatments this cycle because Nathan was working out of town and we couldn't guarantee he would be in at the right time. Turns out he was in at the right time, so I was hopeful that we would have a chance. Well, my body reverted right back to it's old ways without the drugs, and I am only 10 days after ovulation, and I am pretty sure this cycle is over. The even worse thing about that is Nate and I looked at his travel schedule and counted out when I would ovulate with the meds, hopefully, making sure he would be home. I counted out 16 days from the "likely" beginning of my cycle. Anyway, I got the dates wrong, so next month might be a bust also. Either way, I learned my lesson last month, I am taking the meds because if by some chance we don't miss it, then I want the best chance possible.

On to month 14...

2009-01-26T06:55:00.000-08:00

Well, I am going to go ahead and say I am officially out. I started spotting this morning. Typical of my body without Clomid. I knew it wasn't going to happen this month, although I guess we always have some glimmer of hope. Girls, I really don't know what to feel about this. I am reallys starting to think it's never going to happen. I mean, DH's SA is awesome, on Clomid 100mg I am producing at least two beautiful follies, and my lining is always "perfect" according to my OB, what's the problem?

Part of me just wants to stop this torture and accept that we may never have kids. I know that may be a little premature, but let's face it, I am not getting any younger. If I had only known that I would have this much trouble getting pregnant, we would have started trying way earlier. Now, here I am, 31 and DH is soon to be 32 and we have no babies. Not even a shadow of a BFP. I don't want to be in my 60s by the time my kids graduate from college.

Nate's Mom had been dropping a lot of adoption hints lately, but I don't think I am ready to accept that. I want MY BODY to nurture and grow our baby. I want to feel my LO move and kick. I want every ounce of morning sickness, back aches, 900 trips to the bathroom in a day, I want to experience it all. It's just not fair. I am so sad...

2009-01-24T13:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I am in the 2WW. Actually, tomorrow I will enter the 1WW. I am not feeling anything. Actually, I am kind of bored with it. I know I am not pregnant. I don't feel it. I feel the same way I always do every month and it gets us no where.

Sorry I am so blah, I am just sick of all of this...

So much for what I know!

2009-01-17T05:29:00.000-08:00

I got a PEAK this morning! Holy crap! I am so excited. I honestly wasn't expecting it for another couple of days because I almost always have 5 days worth of high readings before getting a peak. Maybe my little CBEFM is figuring out my hormone levels better or something. Man am I glad that we DTD last night. Perfect timing!

On another front, our friends Brandi and Michael are coming in town today and will stay the night with us. They live in Fort Worth, TX which is about 2 hours from here. Nate and Michael have decided that they are going to race their bikes (pedal bike) this year. They have done it in the past, but haven't been able to the last couple of years because of work, life, etc. Brandi and I are super excited because we just love going to the races together. I can't wait. The first race is in March. It is a three day stage race in a sleepy little Central Texas town called Fayetteville. March is pretty officially Spring around here, so it should be beautiful.

I got an email from Brandi yesterday and she has decided to run a HALF MARATHON! WOW!! That is 13.1 miles for those that don't know. I have done a 5K (3 miles) and I thought that was really hard. I am so proud of her. It kind of makes me think I need a goal in all of this working out I am doing. Oh, wait, my goal is getting pregnant, right?? I do definitely want to run a few more 5Ks though if I don't get pregnant in the next 6 months or so.

That's all for today...Happy weekend!

Another High

2009-01-16T18:16:00.001-08:00

I got another high reading this morning. I am definitely entering my fertile period. It's one of those things that you "just know" after you have been trying for 13 months. I have been feeling a little frisky today, so I jumped Nate when we got home from dinner tonight. The sex was fantastic, sorry...I know that's a little TMI, but it was!!

Nothing really else is going on. I am ready to see that peak, I hope it comes tomorrow or the next day, although I doubt it really will.

Happy Friday!

FINALLY!!

2009-01-15T18:01:00.000-08:00

I finally got a high reading on my fertility monitor this morning. CD 18!! That means I probably won't O for a few more days. I am hoping that it is at least by Tuesday of next week because Nate is headed out to Seattle on Tuesday mid-day. He will be home on Saturday, and then leaves out again on Sunday for South Carolina.

I have had tons of fertile cervical fluid this cycle, almost since AF left. Kind of strange. I usually do have a lot, but not this month. It's kind of been a big tease. Anyway, I am stoked about the high reading. I had to go buy some more CBEFM test strips this afternoon. Those things must be laced with gold because one box cost me $50!! I am so sick of PAYING to get pregnant!

In other news, I have been working my tail off (literally) in boot camp, and watching every morsel that goes in my mouth. Last week, I lost 2 lbs. officially, and 3 lbs. unofficially. I am weighing on 2 different days because of two different groups that I am working out with. Anyway, I weigh in again tomorrow morning, so I am hoping to see at least another 2 lbs.

I have decided that if I don't get pregnant by summer, I am at least going to be super skinny and in shape. If all of that happens, Nate IS taking me to the beach! We should have plenty of airline miles and hotel points to go somewhere for free. I would love to go back to Hawaii (maybe Maui), but if not, then I will settle for Hilton Head or the Florida Keys, or maybe Santa Barbara. Who knows, but I know that I haven't been to the beach since last May (we spent a weekend on South Beach, Miami) and it is definitely time for some fun in the sun. Particularly since I am gonna be fit!

Happy Friday EVE!!

It's the weekend!!

2009-01-10T07:39:00.000-08:00

YAY! Nothing much going on here. I am still getting a low reading on my fertility monitor. BLAH!! I was at least hoping for a high reading this morning. It looks like I am going to ovulate really late like I did in the past without Clomid. That wouldn't be a problem really except that Nate told me yesterday that he is going to have to go work in Seattle week after next. AHHH!! This schedule is killing me. I think it just isn't in the cards for us this cycle. I am going to keep temping and using my FM because who knows, hopefully my some off chance we will be able to time things right.

For now, I told Nate we get to have no pressure fun sex!! I am excited about that!

It's official, Nate IS Superman. I always knew there was something different about him!!

2009-01-08T14:15:00.000-08:00

LOL, I am totally being a smart a**! We got the SA results today. When the nurse called, she was almost shocked sounding about how good they are! She said, "His numbers are awesome"! Yippeeee!! So here is the breakdown:

Count: 193 million/ml Expected Range 60-150 million/ml
Motility: 74% with Expected Range >50%
4+ rapid, linear movements
Morphology: 66% Expected Range >30%

I am so relieved that this isn't our problem. Now, that does mean I am the problem, but more can be done for a woman than can be done when it is the man's problem! Come on BFP!!

Great News!!

2009-01-08T11:01:00.000-08:00

Nathan isn't going to have to go to South Carolina afterall (will not right now anyway). Apparently, the entire office where he works is sick, so the bumped the project by two weeks. The great news about that is that would be the week that I start a new cycle, so no interference with the TTC journey. YAY! I should have taken that damn Clomid!!

On another note, I still haven't heard from my doctor's office about the SA results. I am getting a little impatient. If I haven't heard from them by 2pm, I am going to call the office. I know they are probably so sick of me, but hey...they aren't the one's who have been trying to get pregnant for 13 months now!

That's all I have got for today, HAPPY FRIDAY EVE!

Finally...

2009-01-07T12:21:00.000-08:00

The SA is at the Lab!! WOO-HOO!! Nate was a real trooper about it. Once he read the instructions, you know the one's that basically say that you have to get the sample with NO help, he wasn't all that excited about it. Nevertheless, it is done and I hope to get the results tomorrow. I did go ahead and call my doctor's office and let her nurse know that we completed it and that she should expect the results today. I am secretly hoping that she calls me the results today. Fingers crossed...

Crisis Averted!

2009-01-07T06:32:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned how ready I am to be done with this SA? So yesterday Nathan and I talked and decided to do the SA at lunch time today. We were going to go to his parent's house to "produce the sample" (that sounds so nasty). All was good, his parents do not live that far from the lab, so not a problem getting it there on time.

Well,
this morning on my way to work, I get a text from Nathan telling me that his Dad decided to work a half day today! And it gets better, "I guess we will have to do the test some other time." WHAT?? OMG, can you imagine my panic? I couldn't even text him back because I was so disappointed. Everything was running through my mind. If we don't do the test today, then we can't do it tomorrow because it will have been to long since the last...you know, and if we...uhhummm, you know today then it will be too early to do the test on Thursday, and Nate is going to be in South Carolina next week. AAHHHHH!! I guess we will just have to wait until he is back from SC!! Can you hear my panic? Shortly thereafter, Nathan called. I almost didn't answer because I didn't want him to know how disappointed I was about it. I mean, it's not his fault that his Dad decided to work a half day.

I answered anyway and he asked if I got his text, I said, "Yes." He said, "So what do you want to do?" I explained that we couldn't do it tomorrow because of the timing, and that I guess we would just have to wait until he returned from SC. I suppose he could hear my disappointment, so he suggested that we still do the test today and just go home to do it. Now, for all of you who might be wondering why in the heck we just didn't do that in the first place, we live a little way out. Not too far, but the timing for getting the sample to the lab could potentially be questionable.

Anyway, we decided we were going to go with it! So we are going home at lunch to "get the sample", and then are going to haul ass back to the lab and pray that we make it in time. YAYAY!! So the SA will happen today after all! I hope we never have to do this again!

Potential kink in my plans...

2009-01-06T07:02:00.000-08:00

As many of you know Nathan's hobby is cycling. In the past, he raced in the TX road racing circuit. Since he has had his current job, which requires a lot of time out of state, he hasn't raced, so that has been about 3 years. Well, with baby on the horizon, he has decided that he would like to race again for "one last season". Of course, I am totally fine with it because he loves it, and actually I love it too. I love going to races in these obscure Central Texas towns. We always stay in these shady hotels (because really, where else is there to stay). It is kind of an adventure. Actually, in the past I spent the majority of this adventure studying for nursing school on the road sides of Central Texas. Anyway, so because of this decision, Nathan has been spending a lot of time on the bike. As much as he can, really. He has been riding anywhere from 100-140 miles per week.

Anyway, to the point of all of this. It has been raining here so far all week and he hasn't been able to ride. Our SA is tomorrow morning. I bring it up this morning because I wanted to remind him that he would need to go into work late in the morning. He says, "I was going to ride in the morning. Can we change it to Thursday?" OK...deep breath because my over-reactive brain is already spinning. I said, "Yeah, sure I can call and change the appointment." Then I can tell that he feels really bad, and actually, I feel really bad too. We just have to get this done. We need to know!!

Anyway, so I suggested that we maybe do it at lunch time tomorrow instead of in the morning. This way he could still ride to work and we could still get the test done tomorrow. The only kink to that is that we would have to "get the sample" at his parent's house! EW! LOL!! Not that big of a deal really, but his Dad just had surgery, so he potentially could be home, and I can't blame Nate for not wanting to do it with his Dad home.

So, Nate is going to talk to his Dad to feel out his work schedule. We potentially could be doing the test tomorrow at lunch instead of in the morning, otherwise it will be Thursday morning. Sigh...I am just ready to get it over with.

Monday, Monday, Monday

2009-01-05T08:27:00.000-08:00

Blah is all I have to say about Mondays!! On top of that it is raining like crazy outside. I so should have called in sick! Hehe. Anyway, T minus 2 days until we do the SA! I am glad to finally be getting this done so that we can rule it in or out as a problem. Know what I mean? Nathan made a comment the other night that made me wonder if he is secretly worried that he is the problem, so it will be nice to get this over with. I may have said this already (I can't remember), but the lady at the lab told me that we would probably have the results the same day or next day. YAY! for not having to wait a week. That would be totally stressful! I guess I better get to work. I have been loafing all morning!

2009-01-03T06:24:00.000-08:00

OK, so since I know there is really very little chance of conception this month, I am kind of bored with all of it. I decided that I am not going to temp this cycle. My fertility monitor will tell me when I ovulate anyway, so what's they point. Also, if I get a peak while Nathan is gone, I will be pissed that I wasted all of that time temping (not that it's really a big deal, but I am just not doing it)!

Nothing new other than that. Oh yeah, you guys are going to think I am crazy, but I checked into a flight to South Carolina for the week Nate's gonna be gone....900 bucks! I think we will be waiting until next cycle. Haha!

Sorry that it has been so long.

2009-01-02T07:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here in a while...

Well, the first Clomid cycle was a success and failure all in one. We didn't get pregnant, but I did ovulate on CD 16!! Yippe!! That is awesome. Also, I had a normal 12 day LP which was amazing. So I called my doctor to figure out our next plan and she said that she wanted to up my dose to 100mg. I took that from CD3-7, and then went in for another US on CD14. CD 14 US showed TWO beautiful 16mm follicules. My doctor felt like I didn't need to come back for a progesterone draw because the last two I had were "great". She said we had a really good chance this month! YAY! so excited! I ovulated that cycle on CD 17, and for the first time ever I actually had ovulation pain. I even had to take some ibuprofen...wowsa! That cycle I had another 12 day LP, but no pregnancy. I really expected to be quite upset, but oddly enough I was able to shake it off relatively easily. What's going on? Am I becoming indifferent? On to month 13. Did I ever mention that I never expected it to take this long?

I called my doctor on Monday and she gave me another prescription for Clomid 100mg. She said that if we don't get pregnant this cycle then we will need to take a "medical assistance break" for the following cycle. :o( I think I am becoming Clomid dependent because the thought of that makes me upset. Anyway, she also said that it is essential that we do the semen analysis this month "just to mark that off of the list". We will be doing that next Wednesday, January 7th. Nathan is being very cooperative about it, not that I would expect any different. He's the best! I hope to get the results of that test in the latter part of next week.

So over dinner on New Year's Eve, I found out that Nate is going to be working in South Carolina for ovulation week! OMG!! I panicked when he said that. He works out of town (and state) a lot, so I really don't ever think to ask. He does his best to schedule trips around ovulation, but sometimes it just can't happen. This will only be the second month in 13 that we haven't had the best timing because of his travel. So, I had already taken my first day of Clomid, but decided not to continue because there is only a very slim chance that we will get pregnant this cycle if I ovulate that week. Also, because of my history of ovulating really late, I am hoping my body reverts to it's old ways and I ovulate when he gets home. So that's where we are now. I will be calling my doctor today to cancel my ultrasound appointment and tell them that I stopped taking the Clomid.

Update: I talked to the doc. She was fine with me taking this month as a medical assistance break. She told me to call her at the beginning of next cycle and she will give me the 100mg of Clomid that I already took this cycle and schedule my ultrasounds. The one good thing I can say is at least I don't have to stress over temping this cycle. I don't think I am even going to do it. What do you all think?

Doctor's Appointment Update

2008-11-15T05:29:00.000-08:00

Well it's good news and OK news...

It's not really BAD news, but not a good as it could have been, make sense?

The good news is that it looks like I am going to ovulate somewhere around 9-10 days earlier than I have any other time. That is the really good news! The other good thing is she said my uterine lining is "perfect"...10mm. YAYAY for uterine lining! The OK news is that I only have one almost mature follicule (follicule releases the egg). The follicule was 17mm. She was hoping for 2-3 to increase my chances of conception, but hey....I will take it. I always produce one egg (I always ovulate), so the Clomid really didn't do anything there. The other thing that we are hoping for is that the Clomid will lengthen my Luteal Phase (time between ovulation and start of a new cycle). We won't know that until the end of the cycle.

So here is the plan....

*Doctor's orders to everyday through Tuesday (I am sure Nate is so disappointed).

*See her next Friday for a Progesterone level to make sure that looks good.

*If we don't get prego this cycle, then she will up my dosage of Clomid from 50mg to 100mg.

*Check Nate (he is oh so excited about this)

So overall, I am excited that I am going to ovulate much earlier! Nate let me know yesterday that he would be leaving on Tuesday to go to South Carolina for work. I think I almost had a panic attack right there. My heart started racing, and I started sweating. I was thinking, WTH? You gotta be kidding me! You mean I have been pumping myself with this medicine, dealing with all of these side effects, and you might be gone for the main event! I could have cried right there, but I didn't. I mean, it's not his fault. He has to go when he is told to go, but of all cycles to be possibly MIA at O time! UGH!! Doc does expect me to O sooner than that anyway, but you never REALLY know when your body will decide it is time! The good news is I did start to get fertile cervical fluid starting yesterday, so I am hoping that O time is really near.

HOLY HOT FLASH!!

2008-11-09T05:20:00.000-08:00

WOW!! I have no idea what happened, but last night I was having one hot flash after another. We went over to my sister-in-law's house for a "Fall Party" and they just kept hitting me one right after another. Man, they were intense! I have never experienced something so strange in all of my life. After the party at my SILs house, we met up with my brother and his wife and a local spot called "Cimmaron" for a couple of drinks. I am sure that didn't help my hot flashes at all, in fact, I did notice that they were worse once I started drinking. We kept it kind of low key and decided to come home at around 9:30. We are old, I know! On another note, I had tons of fertile cervical fluid yesterday (the earliest I have ever had it in a cycle), so maybe the Clomid is going to make me ovulate earlier than my norm. That would be AWESOME!

It all started with a tradegy...

2008-11-08T09:19:00.000-08:00

Just to go back quite a few years and give you some history, Nathan and I discovered that we had fallen in love about a year after the guy I was dating at the time, Jason was tragically killed in a car accident. That was in October of 1998. Nathan and I had actually met and become good friends in May of 1996, but were always dating other people. After Jason died, I was a mess. I couldn't function, I was drinking too much, not eating, and overall taking terrible care of myself. Nathan was my rock! He reminded me to live life. He took me out, made me laugh, and simply reminded me how to live life again. We officially started dating in late 1999.

That first year was rocky! I had so many insecurities related to Jason's death. At one point, I remember Nathan asking me if I would even be with him if Jason was not dead. OUCH! I honestly could not answer him at that time in my life. Every time Nathan walked out of my door, I feared the worst. I was gripped by my fears of losing someone a second time that I loved so much. We broke up in December of 2000.

I was devastated. I remember sitting at work talking to a friend saying, "This is not right, I know this is not the way it is supposed to end up!" Sure enough I was right, we reconciled on my birthday in January of 2001. Our relationship began to grow stronger each year that went by. I finally was able to put some of the heart break of losing Jason to rest. We had a great relationship, we loved each other.

We never talked about the "M" word at all throughout our relationship. Finally, in 2004, shortly before I graduated from nursing school the subject came up. We stayed up all night talking about what it would be like, where we would get married, where we would have our honeymoon, everything. I still had no idea when it would actually happen.

I graduated in May of 2004, and a couple of days later we left to go with his family on a trip to Angel Fire, NM. Nathan had already prepared me that we would not be getting engaged while on vacation because it was too far from my family and not fair for them to not be around to share such a special moment. Little did I know, he already had the ring and had already asked my father's permission to marry me. WOW!!

We got engaged on a Wednesday at the most lovely little winery there in the valley of the Sangre de Cristo Mountain Ranges. The winery was not even supposed to be open, but Nathan had arranged everything with the owners. We went out on the patio and were relaxing and drinking wine, when I noticed Nathan getting fidgety. I asked him what was wrong, and what he was doing. He said (down on one knee), "I am trying to ask you to marry me, will you marry me?" I was over whelmed with emotions, and of course I said, "YES, of course I will marry you!"

We got married in July of the following year (2005). It was the picture perfect wedding, just as I had always wanted it to be. We were married in the Rose Gardens of our home town. I knew from a teenager that I would get married there. What a magical evening, truly, I could not have asked for anything better.

Fast forward to January of 2007. Nathan and I had planned a vacation to Hawaii. We decided that in early January, we would toss the birth control and start trying for our first little miracle. That is where we are today, trying for our little one.

Today is November 8th, 2007. We officially stopped birth control 11 months ago. I have learned way more than I ever wanted to know about a woman's cycle and conception. Yes, I am a nurse, but this really isn't my medical specialty. I am starting to think differently about that. So, what are we doing:

OPKs (ovulation predictor kits)
BBT monitoring (basal body temperature monitoring)
CF monitoring (cervical fluid monitoring)
CP monitoring (cervical position monitoring)
and of course, obsessing over every ache, pain, weird feeling, everything.

I learned most of everything I know thanks to a fantastic book called, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. For anyone who is struggling to conceive, I highly recommend it. Because of all that I have learned, I determined that I might have Luteal Phase Defect. I have a really short Luteal Phase (the time between ovulation and the beginning of your next cycle), and that my Luteal Phase (LP) is more variable in length than it is really supposed to be. A normal LP should be at least 10 days (but less than 12 is concerning if you are trying to conceive (TTC)), and should only vary by one to two days from cycle to cycle. Mine has been as short as 7 days and as long as 13. I have had 5 cycles where my LP was 11 or less. So all of this lead me to make an appointment with my doctor to get some answers.

I went in not really expecting too much, because the nurse made it clear to me that the doctor would not treat my for fertility issues until we had been trying for a year. We were just before ovulation of our 9th cycle. After talking with her though, she felt that since I had been tracking things so well, it was definitely worth moving forward. That day she did a transvaginal ultrasound and we made an appointment for a post ovulation progesterone draw. The ultrasound showed a fantastic 19mm follicule (the egg bursts through the follicule and is released) and she said, "Now is the time!" So that was good, it confirmed that I do ovulate on my own, which I really already knew because of my BBT monitoring. I came back a week later for my progesterone draw. Two days later the results came back normal, but I had already started my period for that cycle. On to cycle 10.

Cycle 10 I decided to take Vitamin B6 because I had read that it can help to increase my LP. I didn't ovulate that cycle until cycle day 24 (wow, most people are finishing their cycle). We timed everything perfectly!! Yay, we have a chance. Well, the B6 seemed to work, I had a 13 day LP (although I started spotting at 8 days past ovulation). I went ahead and called my doctor, and she felt like it was time to start Clomid 50 mg.

So, that brings us to where we are today. I just finished my 5 day regimen of Clomid. I hope to ovulate in the next 10 days or so. I will go in next Friday for an ultrasound. As my doctor says, "To make sure you aren't producing a litter." I appreciate that more than she knows. I am feeling good. Not to much in the way of symptoms from the Clomid, except that I have been having hot flashes. That's about it though.